Thursday, February 26, 2009

raechie paechie smaechie

I heard this today and thought Alan wrote this little ditty just for us
(except she's not a mother or wife)
Its down below in 'my faves' if you want to listen

Sissy's Song
Why did she have to go
So young I just don't know why
Things happen half the time
Without reason without rhyme
Lovely, sweet young woman
Daughter, wife and mother
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
Loved ones she left behind
Just trying to survive
And understand the why
Feeling so lost inside
Anger shot straight at God
Then asking for His love
Empty with disbelief
Just hoping that maybe
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
It's hard to say goodbye
Her picture in my mind
They'll always be of times I'll cherish
And I won't cry 'cause
She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
Don't worry 'bout me
I know my mom and dad read this often and I want them to know how much I love them. I'm so proud of them. They raised 2 of the best daughters!!!! We were such a close family. We always did dinner together. ALWAYS!!! There were only a few occasions when we got older with school activities that we couldn't sit down together for a meal. We use to talk so much at dinner that my dad would get upset because we weren't eating. That is where we shared everything. Such treasured memories. I don't want to forget. I don't want to forget Raechale's voice, her smile, our special jokes, her smell, her laugh. Right after she passed I panicked because I wouldn't be able to hear her voice anymore. It. killed. me. I took a tape recorder and I recorded her cell phone message. over and over and over. I don't think people realize what the rest of our lives are going to entail. What we have to live with. Yeah, some days are beautiful. We remember her in exact detail and then other days they fade. Her laugh fades out, her smile and perfectly straight teeth. Gorgeous brown eyes. Have I ever told you we planned her funeral for Feb. 21st, her boyfriend didn't tell us that was his birthday until a few days later. Yeah, That right there is not fair. NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!
*I'm sorry mom and dad you have to read this. Please Don't feel bad if you don't want to continue*
His parents had planned to fly into Utah to spend his birthday with him and meet Raechale, the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. But instead they were here to hold his hand through the dark. There are so many details of those weeks that seem to just flitter by. I was a zombie. I didn't want to face the truth. This right here is me grieving, my coping method. So please bare with me, don't judge. I have these bad days but they are few and far between. I need these moments to move on in a healthy way. Thanks for listening!

Friday, February 20, 2009

my polka-dotted birthday boy!!!

My poor little birthday boy is sooo sick!!! Last week started our hoorah with double ear infections which continued into upper respiratory infection. Then onto an allergic reaction to the medicine. And now 3 days of shots to tackle this brutal infection! He has been miserable. But we were able to have some family over and enjoy cake and ice cream before we spent a good 3 hrs at the doctors office! Things are looking up, he did let us see his beautiful smile a couple times to day. And Austy loved to open his new toys!!! I am so grateful for this little beauty in my life! He is all boy. So curious and so into things! You've probably already read my post about how I didn't want him and I wasn't into the whole BOY thing! But I'm officially the obsessed mother! Those chunky thighs, big brown eyes, and oh so sweet smile! Yeah, I'm going to be the mom dropping him off at school, kissing and hugging him in front of all the cool kids, telling him to 'make good choices'!!!! He'll be a momma's boy! I'll make sure of that.......

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

love OR basketball

If any of you know Cody, he lives for basketball. When Brody was just 7 days old Cody went back to work for the first day. Everytime he would call me I would bawl, I could barely speak. Just the thought of being alone killed me. That night when he got home from work I was waiting like a lost pup. I jumped into his arms and held on! Brody was born in February, church basketball season. Yeah, that night it ended up being region championship and of course Cody could not miss it. I was devastated!!! I sat at the dinner table eating my wonderful meal that the Michaelis' family provided (Thank YOU)!!! and I was crying so hard my food tasted like pure salt. (Have you noticed when you cry uncontrollably the tears get in your mouth and it tastes just like salt! No? Well thats what it was like) Cody was sitting on the couch putting on his shoes and I was begging him not to go. I pleaded with him not to leave me! I know pathetic but if any of you have had postpartum you'll understand. I COULD NOT quit crying! It wasn't working. So I pulled the "You'll never live this down" card. Needless to say it didn't work. I know. I know. It was only an hour and I survived but it broke my heart. He really couldn't miss that one game for me. It had already been a tramatic day and I really needed him. Come on, I just gave birth to his son!!!

Now that you all want to run Cody over with your car I'm getting over that. He really is a good guy. But it all lead up to today. He calls me at 8:45 pm. I'm making cookie dough so when he comes home we can relax, eat raw eggs, chit-chat, and watch a little TV before bed. He tells me on the phone he's not coming home he's going to basketball. WHAT THE !!!! Well of course he'll have to stop by so he can get his clothes. Nope. He packed them this morning planning on going. Good thing I knew!! It's really not that big of a deal. I just want you all to know I'm a freakin awesome wife.......I allowed him to go!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Model hOme ocd & Love for the Garbage mAN

First off I don't know how to post a picture and write commentarty next to it so I'll post all my pictures and then give you the skivvys!
Okay... here we go. I know what you are thinking, why pictures of your house? Well take a good look at those beautys. There is NOTHING out of place. LOVE IT!!! My favorite thing to do, (now this is reallly lame,) when cody goes to basketball at night, I put the kids to bed early and I clean. Mop, sweep, vaccum, dust, dishes, wash appliances, blah,blah,blah. And then I like to walk around and admire it. Picture Perfect. I know I'm such a wierd-o. But with 2 kids I rarely ever have it looking so model homish! The struggle for me is the next day. I obviously have everything all angled pricisely and how I want it. The toys are put away nice and neat in a little basket, organized so perfect. And along come my love bugs. Honestly, I struggle not to follow them everywhere and pick up their little crumbs or replace the toys they have strewn all over. It's a battle for me. I took these pictures so when I need a little boost of selfworth I'll scroll through the old blog and reminecse.
Now my love for the garbage man. This is the lamest of lame. The lowest of lows. You know you need some excitement in your life when you can't wait to find out if the garbage man has completely emptied your garbage can. Last week there must have been a box smashed in the middle of the can blocking it so it didn't fully get dumped. It was still half full when I wheeled it up the driveway. I was really bummed. We use a lot of crap in this household and we need that whole thing. Don't tell but I'm constantly sneaking trash into my neighbors can. Sorry Natalie! So this week I actually yelled yahoo when I opened up the lid to find NOTHING!! What a beautiful sight. To me its like starting fresh, a new day at the Cox residence!!!! Well there you have it, my dull life. Its full of perfectly angled furniture and alot of garbage!!!!!

Friday, February 6, 2009

me* cody* no babies* hair did* makeup on*
blue iguana* enchiladas* diet coke* chips n salsa*
he's just not that into you*
kiss* hug* woo* woo*
Thanks Annette and Gary for loving on our babies!!!!

Monday, February 2, 2009

I know, I'm such a Bummer!

You know me, linking to other blogs when I have a spare moment from my kids. I always get myself bawling!!! This is a really sad post so you'd better back out, or grab the tissues.
When my sister passed away my mom told me that she is forever grateful she was able to be a Stay-at-Home-mommie with us when we were little. She told me if she wouldn't have she would have missed out on half of Raechie's life. Who was to know that she was going to be cut short? My mom was able to spend every waking moment (almost) with my little sister and was able to breath in every step Raech took. She was there at every marching band event, every tennis competition, clogging when we were little. spelling bees. There was nothing my parents missed.
Okay where was I going with this.....? Anyways I want that with my babies. I want to be there for everything. We look at our lives and we get down on ourselves and we think we have it so rough!! Well have you ever thought of how lucky we are??? Have you given your babies a love today? Have you picked them up and just sqoze (is that a word?) the life out of them? Mawled them to death with kisses? Went in when they are peacefully asleep and thanked God for them? Have you???
Oh you guys, I had myself crying so hard I thought I was going to throw up. This sweet mother has the most gut wrenching blog. Her sweet baby girl had cancer. Just a little tiny girl of only 2 1/2. So you know I go back through and read her posts, back when little Tuesday was cancer free. If you have babies, you know that they mean everything to you. You'd give up your life in a heartbeat to make sure their little lives would be pain free. They are your WORLD!!!
I guess where I am going with this is I want to enjoy my kids. Actually spend every waking moment with them. Play with them. Smell them. ( I know that sounds creepy but I love the way they smell.) Tickle them. Kiss. Hold. forever love them.
Brody is going to be a year in a couple weeks and I'm still nursing him. You would not believe how some people feel about nursing past a year!!! The gumpsion of people. I know, I know. I was one of them. But that was before I did it. I have loved "OUR" time. Just me and Brody. When I walk into a room after being gone for awhile he crawls over to me and whines. He knows I will nurse him. I can't go without it. It's like a drug. It's like I'm SuperWoman. I'm the only one who can stop his crying!! Yeah for Me!!! I know what you are thinking, and frankly I don't care. I love it. He loves it and guess what folks I will stop when I'm damn good and ready too, yah I said it. I plan to continue to nurse my year old baby. I plan to treasure every moment that boy needs his mommie!
My message to myself is ---- Life is Short. Things could change in an instant. Take every day as if there will not be another. I know we hear it all the time. But then you run into someone's life who really has been effected by tragedy. Her amazing life story is right here. Read it when you have a few minutes and be forever grateful for your life. Your health. Your babies health!!!