catching up

A lot has happened since I've sat down for some me time. Here's the quick overview. We purchased an old but new to us trailer. Went off for a week of fun with my parents and had a ball. Brody had his tonsils removed..... (pure hell) He re-bled so they went back in and fixed his haauuuge blood clot. They pumped his little belly and they said it was full of old blood. Yummy. Poor kid had been swallowing it all day. (2nd Surgery was at 10:00 at night) Then we've went through pink eye, nasty colds, and brody had his first ear infection since tubes a year 1/2 ago. And now my poor easton has the dreaded cold. Lets just pray it doesn't progress anywhere. I'm exhausted. Overwhelmed, yet at the same time I wouldn't trade it for anything. Literally, an endless supply of money, the perfect house, the perfect life. Nothing compares to the love I have for my family. I tear up just thinking about them. These past few weeks have been rough but I still feel blessed. Here's a few moments i don't want to forget.
* brody's 2 yr old stage. Wow he boggles my mind. I caught him at the fridge holding a gallon of apple juice up to his lips. I absolutely hate sticky floors. Major pet peeve. I grabbed it before he spilled. But he quenched his thirst, mission accomplished.
* his need for me. I am his only true love for now. When he wakes up he calls for me under his door. Cody opened the door the other day and Brody threw himself into a fit. I came to his rescue and asked if he wanted me to open his door. He jumped up, closed the door, and called for me again. I opened his door and he jumped into my arms. I guess I need to be the last face he sees before bed and the first one in the morning. That makes my heart swell.
* easton was such a wreck the other night and cody got him settled down. I knew he was hungry so I had cody pass him to me and I took him into my arms and nursed him right there, in the middle of the kitchen. Precious moments.
* He is an extreme kid. He's either somber or unhappy. He rarely is laughing and smiling. Makes me wonder what we have in store for us. Yikes!! But when he does laugh we drink it all up.
* Austy is the only one who can get Easton to laugh. She has this sisterly love and she can get him rolling. No one compares to her in his eyes. The way she is with Brody is amazing. She loves him so much. They have little sleepovers in 'jue-jues' bed. That is how Brody says sister (jue jue). He has his own lingo and Austy usually had to interpret for me. "He wants a cookie mom, not a popsicle." So special.
* But the one that takes the cake is just yesterday Austy comes to me and asked to watch Raechie's video. My heart sunk. It is so hard for me to watch the movie. The memories come flooding back, such good ones, but man they hurt. The minute i put the movie in I'm sobbing. Austy jumps up into my lap and we cry together. I can see Raechale in Austyn so much. And sometimes I can see Brody's eyes in Raechie's. They both have beautiful big brown eyes. Austyn has heard us talk about Raechale's death and she is putting the pieces together, she asked me why she had to die. Oh, my sweet girl. I wish I could shield you from all of this pain. I love her innocence. My story had always been that Raech was hurt so bad that Heavenly Father took her in his arms and made everything better. She is in Heaven where pain isn't felt. I was always vague. But Austyn has realized someone bad caused this. I was trying to explain about free agency and mistakes. It was messy and beautiful at the same time. She is such a smart girl. Ohh, how I love her. I love that she reminds me of Raech daily.

Motherhood is every emotion on ecstasy. Anger, frustration, exhaustion, love, joy. Its a complete surrender of your heart. Kudos to us!!