Friday, April 17, 2009

My story and Our story

I have wanted to post this for awhile. Some of you know our history and others don't. I think our story is by far the most amazing ever. Not just because it is ours but because it is stinkin cool. And this is my journalish thing so here we go.....

Cody and I knew each other in high school. He played football and I played the flute in the band. Need I say more. I always thought he was good looking but it never passed the acquaintance stage. The summer after we graduated we ran into each other, talked a little. We both mentioned our plans, him a mission, me college. And we parted. He did serve a mission in New Jersey and I went onto college. While I was there I met Beau. We dated that whole first year and I thought it was 'it'. We married after my first year of college and then we moved to Lehi so he could continue to work for his dad in the construction business. Life was rough. We moved in with his parents and that was not a swell idea. We finally moved out with me telling him "I'm going with or without you". So we moved into a little apartment down the street. Things were good. We both worked and I loved life. I thought things were great. We got pregnant and I was working at Smiths in Saratagao Springs. I loved it. And I worked around some wonderful women. They never preached their religion to me. They never questioned my commitment to mine. They just set wonderful examples for me and I realized that was what I wanted for my life. I was raised LDS, just not active. I told Beau I wanted to start attending our ward. At the time I also had a wonderful visiting teacher. She was diligent and sweet. Never judgemental of my life style. Beau started to pull away from me. We didn't connect like we had been. I thought it was the arrival of our soon to be, and maybe my decision to start becoming active. He started things that were out of his character, drinking. I just thought it was stress. Anyways we had our little girl, Austyn, and he was helpful and great. But still no connection between us. He just seemed really depressed. I took him to my doctor to see what we could do. He was not interested in help of any kind. And things just got worse. We were fighting all the time. My mom, the sweet heart that she is, took Austyn for me, days at a time. Austyn was weeks old and my mom would take her so Beau and I could work out our differences. Finally when Austyn was 2 months old Beau said it. I want a divorce. I was devastated. I had no idea why. What the heck was going on? I asked him the usual, "are you having an affair" no. " Do you not love me anymore" beau- of course i do. this is just for the best. What???? I begged, I said what ever it was we could work on it. We could pull through this. He was adamant. It was like the shield fell over me and I complied. My birthday was coming up and so my visiting teacher came over with a surprise. It was a picture of the Salt Lake Temple. Beautiful!!! And in the card she wrote her hopes for me and Beau to make it to the Temple together. When she came over I was packing my stuff. She helped me and I told her it was just me leaving. Beau and I were getting a divorce. She felt awful about the card and I told her I was still going to make it no matter what. That's the life I wanted for my little girl. So anyhoo I moved. When my parents were coming to get me Beau didn't want to be there. Right before he left we hugged, cried, yes both of us were bawling, and he told me this was for the best. I had told him once I leave with my baby I'm not coming back. So when I got settled in my parents house I filed. Still having no idea why I did it. I was mopey and a mess. My mom looked at me one day and she told me in these exact words. "He doesn't want you. Let it go" I know that sounds harsh and it probably killed her to tell me that but that was the best thing she did for me. I changed. I filed with determination. I started to get my 'crap' together. I found out about Institute (college seminary) and I went.



Okay but wait a second in the middle of beau and I's mess I was thinking to myself. Who will want me? A single mother. A baby to raise. A divorcee? And I thought of Cody. I wondered where life had taken him. I wondered if he was married and had kids. Isn't that weird?



Anyhoo I went to Institute. That very night I went guess who I ran into....... CODY!!!!! Yeah, I saw him across the hallway and oh, man he was HOT!! I seriously pushed through the crowd to go talk to him. I was so excited. I just wanted to talk to him. To see how life was going. And he asked " SO are you still at Westminster?"... dom dom dom dommmmmm

me-"Actually I did go one year and then I got married and I have a little girl. And now I 'm getting a divorce. " I thought he would bolt right past me and never look back. But he didn't. We talked and it was amazing. He asked about Austyn and I asked about his mission. It was great. And we said we'd see each other next week. After that time at Institute we ran into each other around town and Institute. Me and my friend were going to go to the movies and at the last minute she said she was going to bring her boyfriend. There was no way I was going to be the third wheel. I looked up his last name in the phone book and called a random number. Yeah, i was soooo nervous. It ended up being his cousin. She gave me his home number and I called there. His mom answered and said he'd just left. And she's like "I can give you his cell phone". me- I don't really want to call him if he's on a date. her- he's not, he went to visit a friend. So I did. He must have felt some pity for me because he came. It was a blast. That night I actually told him everything that was going on and I was interested in him but I needed to wait tell the divorce was final. He was so amazing. At the time I was living with my family he would come over, help me bath Austyn and put her to sleep and then we'd stay up and talk about everything. He answered all my questions about the church and he was just awesome. He was sooo good to Austyn and so was his family. I moved out of my parents house and got my own townhouse. That was a big step for me. It was crazy being a single mother, working, paying all my bills, and raising that little monkey by myself. But it was a liberating experience. Cody and I knew we wanted to get married and go through the Temple. It was a huge struggle having my own place and knowing he should leave at night even though there was no one stopping him from crawling in bed with me at night.
Right about the time Austyn started talking Cody and I were married. Dec. 2, 2005. She called him dad. And she never knew anything different. Once I moved to Tooele, from Lehi, Beau only came out maybe 4 times to see her and then he stopped. After 1 year of paying child support for a daughter he had nothing to do with he signed over his rights. That was such a blessing. Cody was able to adopt her and we were sealed in the Temple as an eternal family!!!
I love being married to him. We are two opposites and it took us awhile to find 'the groove'. But life is so great. Some may say my life is dull but after everything I've been through I love living this low-key lifestyle. We live in a quaint neighborhood with wonderful neighbors. Our life is simple and I love it. I stay at home with these 2 beautiful kids and Cody works really hard so we can have all that we need and want. I am so grateful for him and all that he has done for us. When I think about what he gave up to be with me and Austyn, it makes me wonder why?? He jumped right into a crazy lifestyle of diapers, tantrums, and responsibilities. He loved her as his own flesh and blood. He picks her up, loves her, tickles, kisses, and disciplines with love. Here we are 4 years later still co-existing! I feel so blessed. I love our story and I love our domestic life.

16 comments:

Katie said...

That is such a great story!! What you wrote is exactly what I pray and wish for every night. Thanks for sharing!

oh, and I have missed church before, I'd just never missed an Easter Sunday church :)

Hayley said...

Good post. Cody is good peeps. And even though it was hard for you... what a blessing it is that your ex made the move (well, the initial one). Because if he hadn't... who knows??

It's amazing where second chances end up coming from, isn't it?

The Quintana Family said...

You have a great story! I remember having those same feelings of who would want me as a single mom, and I thank God everyday that he sent Anthony to me :) We both got lucky didn't we!!!

Jules said...

Thanks for posting your story. You've told me bits and pieces before, but it was so nice to read it from the beginning. I just want to say that I have been blessed by your example and your commitment to get yourself to the temple. You are a strong and faithful woman.

Mykell said...

It's very true you have an awesome story. it will be a good one to tell you'r kids and grandkids some day. It's true when you belong together it doesn't matter where life takes you, you end up where you belong. That was a fun post to read.

Kari said...

Isn't it amazing when things work out so wonderfully after thinking no one would want you?! The truth is you are a great catch and Cody knew it. A beautiful baby girl just sweetened the deal! It's so special having your little one sitting on the alter, holding their hand and getting the chance to be sealed to them forever. It's a moment I will never forget!

Proctor's said...

Melissa!
That is why I love you! You are the go getter and keep a great happy insight in all you do! There are few and far between that could have a marriage like yours and still be together after all the crap you guys have to put up with. I sure need your outlook!
WE still need that bbq!
Kerianda

Bry and Meliss said...

Oh Melissa, what an empowering story! Good for you for standing up for yourself and doing the right thing. You have been so blessed because of it!! You are such a strong woman, and a great example! That's so sweet of Cody to have taken on that responsibility with you...that definitely was meant to be, and what a keeper! It's hard raising a baby, that's so awesome that he took her on like his own. I'm so glad you're happy-life is great!!

Emily S said...

So, I had to read this asap . . . I had known parts of the story, but it's just awesome to read the whole thing and see how it all worked out. I just love your determination to do the right thing, and I love the gospel. Because of it Austyn is yours and Cody's and nobody else's forever!

Michelle Jensen said...

I love this story :) I had pieces of it but it is so neat to hear it and flash forward to today. You guys are so lucky. I am happy for you and your life. I think we all should make our lives exactly what we want them to be good for you...

Whitney said...

Ok so I was laughing at first when I saw that you wrote that you played the flute because so did I!!! Not in high school cause I actually was horrible, but its funny we have that connection. Ha hA.

Anyways what a great story Mel, you are so amazing and such a strong person, wife and mother!

The Quintana Family said...

Does he play at Stansbury fields or Desert Peak? Syd plays at Desert Peak, so that's where we'll be tonight. Poor girl has 3 games this week, because they are doing a makeup game from 2 that they were rained out.

Awesome Oettli's said...

Melissa i am so glad to find your blog i am going to add it to my page. Although i have known you forever and feel sad to hear the heartache you have experienced i have known cody for a while too. I am so glad you two ended up together. Tell him i said hi and check out my blog. I just had a baby!!

Erin said...

Sorry, I'm a little late but I just read it today and had to comment. Love this story! I would love to hear Cody's version, too. Get him on here typing. " . . . there she was at institute. I watched her across the room. . . (tee-hee) Husband, Wife, Happy Life!

melissawillden said...

I loved reading your story...thanks for sharing it! You guys are awesome! We need to get together with our hubbies and kids and do something.

hillarie said...

I love you for posting this!