Okay, I know not a super fun post. But have you ever noticed how not everyday is easy....I was looking through some old CD's and I found Dixie Chicks- Home- and all I thought of was Raech!!!! This whole CD reminds me of her. Travelin Soldier.. love that song. We'd blast it in my truck and just scream it. I know its not much of a blasting song but it is so beautiful, it makes me cry! (the song and also Raechie) I miss her like crazy. Somedays are so hard. Yesterday my dad told me they had a man come to their house to ask them a couple questions. He was representing Cameron as a private investigator to see if he can help get him an appeal. It breaks my heart. All this for a monster who took a life. Raech didn't get all these extra chances at a life here on earth. Yesterday I tried to get on and post but I was a wreck. I couldn't type because I was so upset. Not tears, but more of the feeling- want to run and never look back-
I never thought I'd have to deal with this much hardship...
Raech would never want me to sit here and mope around. As I read back through my post it is kind of pathetic, but damnit this is my journal. This is my life. This is what I face sometimes. This neccesarily isn't for you, its for me, to look back and say " I conquered that day, I survived"
Have you ever noticed sometimes it feels so good to cry. It seriously is like releasing that stinky feeling of hopelessness. I can't change the way things turned out but I can change the way I view it. I can fantasize about my reunion with her. Crossing through the veil and into her arms. The way she smells, her soft hair. You know how people give you fake, crappy hugs, like the one arm hug or the tap your back hug. Not her. She'd get her arms around me really good and squeeze. She never pulled away when she knew I needed her. Oh, my sweet, sweet baby sister!
On a funnier note we did share some really funny mannerisms. I don't know if thats what you would call it but anywho.. We had the weakest bladders, (still do) and whenever someone would get us laughing really hard, we'd have to do this wierd pose, like squat down and cross our legs so we didn't widdle all over! We were so much alike! yeah, I am lucky that I have those memories to keep me chuggin along! She totally ROCKED!!
1 week ago
7 comments:
Tell you what... if they do appeal and win, and he ends up on the streets, I'll chase him down in a ski mask with a crowbar, laughing maniacally! I offered Sharyl the same thing. First, though, I'd like to shave that nasty 'fro on his head and make him eat it... then the crowbar beating can commence.
This world is disgusting sometimes. Stay strong, focus on the good stuff, and wait for that day. I bet she's so proud of you.
And I hope your parents told that guy where to stick it.
I personally think that guy was creepy to even come to your parents house when he is trying to help that jerk! That's my opinion though, and I agree with Hayley I hope your parents told him where to stick it! I must say I agree with you that crying can be some of the best therapy, so cry all you want and I've even heard it's ok to let your kids see you cry sometimes. You're an amazing person, and even though she can't be right here with you Raech is watching over your family and making sure you're all safe and watching all the cute little things your kids do as they grow up :)
Melissa! Don't EVER apoligize for being you! I truly appreciate all that you put out there for us to share the burden too. Not much of that burden is ever taken from your family, but I hope in some small measure it helps you to know we pray for you and think of you always! We can try to help you remember the great memories Raechale brought all of us and we can cry with you!!!! It isn't much but I pray it helps you know that we care!!! I pray your family has the strenght to do what is neccessary to help others stay safe and I hope it might in some very small way help you remember that cameron made the choice to make it so he could NEVER be in the presence of your sister again and you of course already know she is safe. We sure love you and your family and those kids sure are cute in that tub!! My kids love the water too! The are human fishes! Let us know if there is ANYHTING we can do!!!
Kerianda
I cannot even imagine going through what you are faced with. I was always so jealous of how close you and your sister were! You were both so dang cute, and you were always together. Austyn looks so much like her! It's like you have a little piece of heaven in your home. :)
I'm so sorry, Melissa. Sometimes writing down your thoughts and feelings can be very cathartic and healing. You should look back and be proud of yourself for going on despite how many hardships you faced. I'm really proud of you. Sometimes crying helps a ton, too. Those pics of your kids in the tub are adorable, by the way. I'll send you an invite to my blog so we can keep in touch. We definitely need to make sure we hang out more.
I am so sorry that you have to go through lossing someone you love so dearly. It's not an easy thing and I can understand...I cry about my mom all the time! Keep crying and keep loving her!
On a diff. note we are having people over for the super bowl! We don't really watch the game a ton but it's on if people do want to watch. It's a great way for us to get friends together and eat good food! Let me know if you want to come!
You are awesome!
Thanks for telling me I don't look huge! It's pathetic, but that's something else I worry about.
So I've decided- I'll give you one twin and Gina the other and then I'll start over with just a normal pregnancy. Yeah?
Thanks for the words of support! I really do appreciate it.
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